Trump Earns Iowa’s Prestigious ‘Man of the Century’ Award

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The last thing any country — whether it is in a golden age, engulfed in a pointless war, or mired in an affordability crisis — needs is a leader who isn’t focused on the pressing issues of the day, such as the nation’s ballrooms and golf courses, or which athlete does what before games. And because we know negative press coverage distresses Donald Trump, we have taken it upon ourselves to highlight the president’s many accomplishments, like his ability to correctly point out a giraffe among images of four different animals. This allows voters to make an informed decision as to whether they want this man to continue enjoying unchecked power or not.

In that spirit, we are happy to report that Trump reached another milestone on Thursday night when he became the recipient of Iowa’s coveted “Man of the Century” award. Granted, there are those in the media who will argue that this prize, which comes with a fancy piece of paper in a pretty nice frame (gilded, of course), cannot be “coveted” since it was created this week for the sole purpose of sucking up to the president. However, now that it exists, we are certain that it will be bestowed on another deserving recipient in 2126, who will then covet it for sure.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves by a century or so.

The brains (and we realize that term is a stretch in this context) behind this prestigious prize is Joe Mitchell, who came up with it ahead of Trump’s rally in Sioux City. Mitchell hopes to become the president’s latest courtier in Washington, DC, and replace Rep. Ashley Hinson (R-IA), who wants to take her rubber stamping to the Senate.

And there is no better way to get on Trump’s good side than to give him something precious. Since Mitchell apparently didn’t have a jumbo jet to gift the president, he brilliantly conceived the “Man of the Century” award (if we had to quibble, we’d say that the wording leaves the door open to there having been another person in Iowa in a previous century whose accomplishments eclipsed Trump’s, so we probably would have gone with “Man of the Millennium” or “Man of All Time”).

By the way, one group that still resists Trump’s need to be recognized is the Nobel Prize Committee, which is a fact Mitchell noted when handing his hero the certificate he made.

“They’ve never given you the Nobel Peace Prize by the way, which is a disgrace,” he said. “So what I came up with, Mr. President, is a new award: it’s called the Man of the Century award. It’s the Man of the Century award.”

By the way, we are extremely sorry and distraught to say that this actually happened.

Joe Mitchell gives Trump "the man of the century" award (that he just made up) pic.twitter.com/DgTMC6ASCF

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 23, 2026

In fact, Mitchell wanted to make sure that the “artificial media” (that’s a term Trump once said he wanted to start using instead of “fake media”) recorded his performance.

“CNN, zoom in, CNN,” he said while holding up his home art project before adding that Trump “has done more for humanity and for America than any other president ever.”

Mitchell is not the first to realize this, of course.

Let’s not forget that Trump is also the current holder of the FIFA Peace Prize.

And while we won’t say that he has done more for humanity and the US than any other president, we can say with absolute certainty (in fact, we are more sure of this than anything else ever), that in all of human history, even if it stretches millions of years into the future, no other person will ever have earned the FIFA Peace Prize while being simultaneously crowned Mitchell’s “Man of the Century.”

Congrats, sir, you did it again!