It has become almost impossible to lampoon the lengths to which Republicans will go to ingratiate themselves with Donald Trump.
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Every Sunday, we try to use this space to alert our readers to a specific problem or to highlight a particularly awful person. One of the tools we often use to do so is a conversational tone with a heavy dose of humor. We believe that this helps us convey our message, and, let’s face it, things have gotten so ridiculous that making fun of some of the clowns in politics just seems appropriate.
This week, we wanted to come up with a tongue-in-cheek list of things that could be named after Donald Trump. That idea was inspired by the plans of different Republicans to honor the former president in a variety of ways… each one more outrageous than the next.
And then something unprecedented happened: We couldn’t do it… just drew a blank.
We wanted to use hyperbole to point out how dumb some of these “ideas” were, and how they highlight that the modern GOP is a cult. But, as it turns out, there is no way to exaggerate them because parody has become reality.
The premise was sound. Obviously, naming anything after Trump seems absurd. For one thing, as a malignant narcissist, he has already taken care of this: Trump Tower, Trump Steaks, Trump Whatever, Trump Bibles, Trump Sneakers, Trump NFTs, Trump Blablabla, Trump Taj Mahal, etc.
Furthermore, he just does not seem like a good fit for the kind of things traditionally named after presidents.
Donald Trump Middle School? Come on! Who would name a middle school after the biggest bully in US history?
The Donald Trump Presidential Library where his documents are kept? That already exists in a gilded bathroom in Mar-a-Lago.
(As a quick aside, it will be hilarious to see how Trump will try to monetize his presidential library, which will almost certainly be brought to you by MyPillow… or Gazprom).
And unlike various Founding Fathers, you also can’t name a university after him because that has already been done… and the former president probably does not like to talk about how he scammed its “students” and was forced to pay $25 million in restitution.
In any case, Republicans trying to kiss Trump’s ample backside have clearly been giving this a lot of thought. Actually, it seems as though they have been engaged in a competition for the past few years to see who could brownnose the most in word and deed.
This is no different.
It started innocently enough with Rep. Guy Reschenthaler (R-PA) introducing legislation to change the name of Washington Dulles International Airport in Virginia to Donald J. Trump International Airport.
Fair enough. It won’t happen, but at least it’s not a completely insane proposal (we’ll get to those in a minute).
Reschenthaler’s rhetoric in proposing the bill was a little fan-boyish, but that’s just what Republicans have to do these days to get noticed.
“In my lifetime, our nation has never been greater than under the leadership of President Donald J. Trump,” said Reschenthaler who, surprisingly based on that sentence, is not seven years old.
“As millions of domestic and international travelers fly through the airport, there is no better symbol of freedom, prosperity, and strength than hearing ‘Welcome to Trump International Airport’ as they land on American soil.”
Well, we’re pretty sure that this would make most international travelers turn around real quick because Trump is not as popular abroad as Republicans seem to think… well, apart from among authoritarians.
Setting that aside, as GOP proposals on how to honor Trump go, this one is benign.
Then things started to go off the rails.
As we told you last week, whenever a bill has an idiotic acrostic title, you know it’s going to be stupid.
This brings us to the “Treasury Reserve Unveiling Memorable Portrait (TRUMP) Act,” which is just as dumb as it sounds.
Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ) wants the US Treasury to print $500 bills with Trump on them.
There is only one way in which that makes sense: Bills with large denominations like that are primarily used by criminals, so that part would at least be appropriate.
And that wasn’t even the most moronic proposal this month.
That honor goes to Rep. Greg Steube (R-FL), who introduced legislation this week to “designate the exclusive economic zone (EEZ) of the United States as the ‘Donald John Trump Exclusive Economic Zone of the United States’.”
If you don’t know, the EEZ designates the coastal area in which countries have jurisdiction over natural marine resources. The entire landmass of the United States is 3,618,780 square miles, but the EEZ of the US covers 4,383,000 square miles.
In other words, Steube wants an area larger than the landmass of the US itself to be named after the former president.
We are literally days away from some Republican suggesting that Trump should become the fifth president depicted on Mount Rushmore. That wouldn’t even be surprising because the former president himself already said this would be a good idea.
Better yet, seeing how the US is going to be a much less friendly place for immigrants if he gets elected in November, maybe the Statue of Liberty could be replaced with a 300-foot bust of Trump.
Or maybe one of these clowns can propose that Milwaukee be renamed to Trump City… once they get their story straight about whether the former president referred to the city as “horrible” or not, and what he did and didn’t mean by that.
