Hunter Biden
Don’t let Hunter Biden run for president. Photo credit: DonkeyHotey / WhoWhatWhy (CC BY-SA 2.0) See complete attribution below.

A looming federal indictment makes one thing crystal clear: Hunter Biden must not become president.

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With news breaking this week that prosecutors will seek an indictment of Hunter Biden on gun charges, it has become abundantly clear that he should not be elected president of the United States.

Granted, the crime he will be charged with is uniquely American. After all, it involves guns, paperwork, and stupidity.

Specifically, Hunter lied about not being a substance abuser when applying to buy a gun, even though he was smoking crack cocaine regularly at the time, which means he owned the firearm illegally.

That entire episode alone disqualifies him in any number of ways.

First of all, there is the lying. That in itself is a huge no-no for any politician, especially one running for the presidency. It seems obvious that it would be extremely bad to have a habitual liar in the White House.

Maybe it starts with one lie, but then there will be another and another, and, before you know it, there could be thousands. Well, maybe that’s a bit far-fetched. It’s pretty difficult to imagine that any human being could lie that much, but you get the point.

Then there is the stupidity. We only know about Hunter’s drug use because he told us in a memoir.


What kind of idiot admits to his own crimes in a book? The only thing dumber would be to go on TV and repeatedly confess to all kinds of wrongdoing.

Is that the type of idiot who should be anywhere near the presidency? Of course not!

While this gun charge is disqualifying and pretty bad, it could have been much worse. After all, this is the kind of crime a complete moron with no power can commit. Imagine what Hunter could have done had he already held office!

In that case, anything would have been possible. He could have staged a coup or stolen classified documents. Obviously, we are just spitballing here, but it shows the kind of damage a morally corrupt person with power can do.

It’s also possible that Hunter will be charged with tax crimes! Again, that speaks of a moral compass that is truly messed up, and it goes without saying that, based on that alone, he should not be commander-in-chief.

After all, how do you run a country based on the rule of law when, as a wealthy person, you don’t even pay your taxes? Despicable.

In any case, there ought to be a rule that people charged with federal crimes, especially when there is overwhelming evidence, shouldn’t run for president. That might be tough to enforce though because there isn’t really a law about that. Well, unless they led an insurrection, in which case the 14th Amendment disqualifies them.

But, honestly, it’s not as though somebody who did that could ever be a serious candidate for any office, let alone the presidency.

Still, it would be nice to codify that in some way.

Actually, that may not be necessary. The American people probably feel the same way, so there is little chance that a crook like Hunter Biden will be elected. What a crazy thought.

In any case, we’re all better for it.

Now, it would be wrong to say that the gun charge is the last straw because it has been very obvious for some time that it would be unwise to put a grifter and a conman like the president’s son into the White House.

A great example is Hunter’s efforts to turn his “art” into money. It just seems like such an obvious scam. What will he think of next? Maybe setting up the Hunter Biden School of Art that isn’t actually an accredited institution of higher learning but rather just another way to get naive people to give him money?

Then there are his personal relationships, which send up all kinds of red flags. He had a daughter with a woman whom he met while she was an exotic dancer, which shows that he makes pretty bad decisions. Well, at least he wasn’t married at the time and she wasn’t a porn star, and it’s not like he sexually assaulted anybody.

Still, it’s pretty obvious that such a lowlife shouldn’t get anywhere near the White House.

Finally, look at all of Hunter’s shady business deals with foreigners.

Isn’t it obvious that, in pursuit of money, he would end up beholden to some Kazakh oligarch or a Ukrainian energy company or, even worse, an authoritarian Russian president or some Saudi killers who want to bribe him with $2 billion?

That is already pretty bad for a private person with absolutely no role in government like Hunter. But it would be so much worse if he somehow ended up in the Oval Office. 

For all of these reasons, it would be a terrible idea to elect Hunter to anything or, even worse, make him the leader of a cult of gullible idiots.

Fortunately, he isn’t running for office, so it looks like America dodged that bullet.

The cartoon above was created by DonkeyHotey for WhoWhatWhy from these images: Hunter Biden caricature (DonkeyHotey / Flickr – CC BY 2.0), body and stage (Gage Skidmore / Flickr – CC BY-SA 2.0), light (Klaus P. Rausch / Pixabay), and boxes DOJ (PDF).

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