2nd amendment enthusiast, Harrisburg, PA
Second Amendment enthusiast. Photo credit: © Zach D Roberts/NurPhoto via ZUMA Press

As it turns out, there is one thing that can get Republicans to support gun control measures. Hint: It’s not the mass murder of children.

Listen To This Story
Voiced by Amazon Polly

Are you considering committing a senseless act of violence? Do you want to grab your AR-15 and kill a bunch of innocent people and then, likely, yourself?

Don’t do it!

Whatever motivates you to contemplate a mass shooting (and we’re guessing it’s probably some kind of racist, antisemitic, and/or incel thing you read about online), it is not worth throwing away your life. And it certainly doesn’t justify murdering a bunch of people who are not at all responsible for how you are feeling.

Take a deep breath, step away from whatever chat group gave you the idea that this will make you a martyr, stop writing your manifesto, and do something that will rid you of this homicidal rage. Maybe go for a walk or play video games… just not one of those that Republicans blame for gun violence.

Chances are that, even if you don’t think so now, life has a lot to offer. This might be difficult for you to imagine right at this moment, but you’ll probably meet someone, take cool trips, or get a great job (but please do NOT become a cop). Your favorite team is going to win a championship, and movies you’ll really enjoy are going to be released.

Please Donate to WhoWhatWhySo, and we cannot stress this enough, do not despair, and do not act on your violent fantasies.

That being said, if you can absolutely not be dissuaded from going through with your plan, it would be much better to kill the friends of Republican governors than, say, children.

Here is why:

History has shown that slaughtering innocent elementary school kids changes nothing. Neither does killing middle school kids. Or high school kids. Or college kids. Or people worshiping. Or shopping. Or worshiping in a different way. Or going clubbing. Or worshiping some more. Or getting groceries. Or watching a movie. Or attending a concert.

Nothing changes.

Well, not nothing, of course. There will be more thoughts and prayers with each new massacre, just not any meaningful societal change.

Obviously, things will be different on an individual level. Here, you will irrevocably alter the lives of many people by causing them unspeakable pain and grief. Not just the survivors themselves but also the families of the victims. And many others will no longer feel safe as they go about their daily lives.

So, in that regard, things will change for many people.

However, and this is really the point, the world that has you feeling so desperate is not going to change no matter whom you kill or how much carnage you leave behind… unless, as noted above, the people you kill are friends of a GOP governor.

If you want to trigger change, that might do the trick.

See, in the aftermath of one of the more recent mass shootings (it’s hard to keep track of how many have happened since then, but the one we are talking about was four weeks ago in Nashville), Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee (R) signed an executive order to strengthen background checks.

Not because children were murdered. We have seen many times that massacring kids doesn’t move the needle when it comes to gun control.

No, what was different in the case of this particular shooting was that one of the victims was a close friend of the governor’s wife.

Apparently, that’s what it takes to get a GOP lawmaker to do anything.

We have seen this before.

The position of many Republicans, including former Vice President Dick Cheney, on gay marriage softened significantly once more and more of their family members came out.

And, lo and behold, once gay marriage became legal, the earth did not open up and swallow the US whole as was promised. Maybe those thoughts and prayers helped after all.

It stands to reason that the same will happen once enough friends and family members of high-ranking Republicans have been killed in murderous rampages.

We hope that doesn’t happen and strongly urge you to reconsider, but if you must, and if you really want to change things, that’s at least something to aim for.

But, seriously, don’t do it!


  • Klaus Marre

    Klaus Marre is a writer, editor, former congressional reporter, and director of the WhoWhatWhy Mentor Apprentice Program. Follow him on Twitter @KlausMarre.

Comments are closed.