Listen To This Story

There are some headlines that seem so patently absurd that they cannot possibly be true. This one is, however.

Speaking of things that cannot possibly be true, GOP vice presidential nominee JD Vance on Tuesday defended his decision to spread a completely unsubstantiated rumor about immigrants stealing and eating pets in Ohio.

“In the last several weeks, my office has received many inquiries from actual residents of Springfield who’ve said their neighbors’ pets or local wildlife were abducted by Haitian migrants,” the Ohio senator tweeted. “It’s possible, of course, that all of these rumors will turn out to be false.”

This is one of those cases where it would be prudent to show some kind of proof, especially because city officials have said this is all bogus.

And, if you think about it, it seems somewhat unlikely that residents of the town would contact their senator if their neighbor’s cats have been burgled.

“Honey, have you seen the Millers’ golden doodle recently? He was probably eaten by a Black person. Let’s get JD Vance on the horn.”

Vance’s disclaimer tells you all you need to know about this situation.

Yes, it is possible that all of these rumors turn out to be false.

You know what’s more possible? That the Trump campaign is once again using a made-up controversy to stoke xenophobia.

It is somewhat ironic that, on the same day that Vance again weighed in on this important national issue, the campaign touted a rally headlined by an actual pet killer.

Self-professed puppy murderer and South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem will participate in a town hall in Savannah, Georgia, on Saturday.

In an effort to show how tough she was, Noem described in her memoir how she shot her 14-month-old dog Cricket in a gravel pit.

Where was Vance then?

Of course, Noem wasn’t accused of eating Cricket… unlike key Trump surrogate and admitted bear cub killer Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Ultimately, RFK Jr. was probably vindicated regarding whether he grilled and ate a dog.

On some level, none of this matters of course, so why do we write about it?

The answer is simple: It’s not about non-existing Haitians stealing non-existing cats and turning them into non-existing meals.

It’s about the willingness of Trump, Vance, and the GOP to tell any lie, tout any conspiracy, and spread any rumor. And then, when they get called out on it, they just keep doubling down in the hopes that their gaslighting will sway voters.

That is why we write about these things.

Finally, it should be noted that Vance possibly cannot be trusted on this issue. A lot of readers have been reaching out to us with reports that their cousin’s friend’s neighbor in Cleveland once saw him bite the head of a kitten named Whiskers.

Of course, it’s possible that this rumor turns out to be false.

*In his Navigating the Insanity columns, Klaus Marre provides the kind of hard-hitting, thought-provoking, and often funny analysis you won’t find anywhere else. 

Comments are closed.