Whether it's by digitally dumping feces on Americans or taking an actual wrecking ball to the White House, Donald Trump is making it quite clear what his aims are. But will "his" people finally get it?
Listen To This Story
|
This is satire.
Donald Trump, an unabashed admirer of dictators everywhere, is getting increasingly frustrated with the failure of Americans to realize that he is now the first despot in US history, White House sources say.
The president, who has always been enamored with the unrestrained power that authoritarian leaders across the world enjoy, has been laser-focused on turning the United States from a democracy into an autocracy.
However, most Americans still don’t get it, no matter how hard he tries.
“I understand why His Magnificence is exasperated. He literally told voters that he would be a dictator on day one of his second term and then he followed that up with tangible actions,” said one source close to Trump. “He granted himself additional powers by invoking non-existent emergencies, he established a secret police of masked thugs, and he ignored the Constitution at every turn. And Americans just don’t get what we are trying to do here.”
That’s not all, of course.
Trump has also enriched his family to the tune of billions of dollars, weaponized the justice system, sent troops to occupy cities run by Democrats, and is using taxpayer money to reward his supporters* and punish his enemies.
“We are doing all of this out in the open, so it’s really not that difficult to figure out what’s happening here,” said another source. “It’s also pretty clear that we are trying to rig the next elections, if we even want to hold them, so the endgame should be really obvious, but the American people just won’t give the president his due as an autocrat.”
Trump has not only acted the part.
As a highly visual person who prefers getting his briefings in the form of easy-to-understand picture books, he also wanted to make sure that the message got across in different ways.
“That’s why we did the military parade,” one source said. “Heck, he even made the Oval Office look like a Leprechaun had thrown up all over it so that it resembles one of Saddam’s throne rooms. But I guess that was still too subtle.”
Therefore, Trump has stepped up the symbolism in recent days.
On Sunday, he published a video of himself as king who dumps feces all over Americans exercising their First Amendment rights, which the administration has been trying to curb.
And then on Monday, a construction crew began with the demolition of the White House.
“We thought we couldn’t get more explicit than taking a wrecking ball to the people’s house, but who knows whether Americans finally get it,” said a cabinet member who asked not to be named.
As a result, senior aides are currently looking into ways to escalate things even more.
Plans under consideration include melting down the Statue of Liberty for scrap metal, the public execution of Sen. Adam Schiff (D-CA), and carpet-bombing the next “No Kings” protest.
*Does not include American farmers… at least not North American farmers. Argentinian cattlemen, however, will make out just fine.