Did Trump exploit the loneliness epidemic in America?
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Dear Reader:
Normally I write a Year End Message that emphasizes what we accomplished here at WhoWhatWhy and our plans for the coming year. But we’re in such extraordinary terrain, I thought I would forego that and instead share this rumination with you.
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What has so profoundly alienated Americans from each other — and from the facts — that it sent vast numbers of even non-MAGA types into Donald Trump’s cynical embrace?
It’s a lingering mystery we must solve if we’re ever going to pull this country out from an ongoing plunge into the abyss.
Of course, in all probability, many factors played a role, including a shared fear of The Other, and of change; a sense of individual or collective humiliation and besiegement; and an inability to process or unwillingness to seek or consider accurate information.
But there may be another explanation, one that at first glance may seem utterly ridiculous: Trump’s improbable success is attributable to something extremely basic and badly neglected: Loneliness.
Feeling lonely, even when surrounded by others. The intertwined problems of loneliness and social alienation — and how to exploit their intersection.
Could that be Trump’s secret formula?
I have long wondered why this issue didn’t garner broader interest. So I was gratified when in 2023 the surgeon general took the unusual step of naming loneliness a top priority with actual health consequences. (For more on this, see Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.)
I recently read a persuasive piece about how our digital world has made a long-running problem so much worse.
There is an epidemic of loneliness in our country — loneliness touches everything, from the media we consume and the products we buy to the relationships we (don’t) form. When we reflect on the winners and losers in 2024, we will bucket them into two categories: those who capitalized on loneliness and those who didn’t. Moreover, we’ll realize that, in this society of lonely people, we find a lot more to love in a person than a brand. …
As with podcasting, this presidential election was also less about left vs. right than it was about people vs. brands. No one understood this better than Donald Trump, who doubled down on his parasocial relationship with millions of Americans while actively disassociating from the Republican brand. It was the ultimate people-over-brand strategy.
But how did we get from a deep-seated societal ill — a phenomenon that the isolation attendant to the pandemic only intensified — to the appeal of Trump? Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, may have the answer. Here’s how he described the influence of his book on Steve Bannon, and his election strategy:
Bannon advised Trump that their path to victory was to look for those people who were just completely isolated, fragmented, and didn’t have any connections — and they were going to give them some real connections. … And the data show that the more isolated you were, the more likely you were to vote for Trump. [Emphasis added.]
‘Give Them Some Real Connections’
If you combine the sense of desperate isolation with a universe of “low information” voters and add in cynical players willing to exploit those two factors, and powerful digital tools, you’ve got the secret formula for Trump’s success.
If you don’t believe me, that’s because, unlike me, you might not be on Trump’s mailing list.
Trump’s direct and over the top use of the language of the desperately broken and the lonely is both cunning and cynical.
Almost every piece of the constant barrage of emails is highly personal. He tells me he’s thinking about me personally. He tells me he wants to hear from me. He tells me he wants me at Mar-a-Lago. At the White House. Traveling the world with him. He tells me he desperately wants my advice. And he is constantly urging me to get the trappings of his world — his hats, his mugs, his sneakers, his bibles.
He was probably hand-picked by God, but for sure he is my friend and my savior. He not only understands my needs, he understands my true worth.
If I am lonely, at least I will always have him.
I trust in his wisdom, his goodness, his value despite some imperfections. And so I believe that those people who say he is bad are themselves liars and manipulators. I believe him when he says that the world is upside down, opposite of what perhaps even my own experience or common sense dictates.
So I plug my ears, I smile, I scowl, and I will not listen to my relatives and friends who beg me to come to my senses. I know I am right. And he is my friend.
When he says aggressive things, when he insults other people, when those around him seem mean, when his promises come to naught, I know that it is all for good, because there are bad people trying to stop him. And I won’t let them.
Because he is my friend. And I need a friend.
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What the Democrats talk about — seemingly abstract principles of responsibility, effectiveness, and decency — just doesn’t cut it with these people. Dems are focused on facts — essential facts, to be sure, which nevertheless no longer play a part in the reality of the internet or of how so many people live and see themselves and their world.
Ordinary folks are desperate for “friends” — even make-believe friends bombarding them from TV screens, emails, or texts. Team Trump has mastered this. The “always-on” Fox TV screen has mastered this.
These people no longer care about policy or rationality. Anyone and anything that appeals to them viscerally and feels like it fills the gaping hole in their lives is ALL that matters.
And by buying into the Trump family, they not only have the Trumps as their friends — they have a whole congregation to belong to. Going to Trump rallies is like going to church. It feels so good to have friends who share your fervor. The feeling is, in the end, the whole thing.
Related: https://whowhatwhy.org/politics/us-politics/the-binding-blinding-energy-of-a-trump-rally/
Plus, there’s the role of denial. Nobody wants to admit to being lonely — or that it is a prime motivator for joining a tribe. It’s too embarrassing. And it’s too soft. Exactly the kind of thing they decry in others. Not something one would admit to when one is braying about owning guns, that “men are men and women are women, and stay out of my bathroom.”
To be sure, people of all kinds suffer from loneliness. But the way some are wired, they would never be susceptible to Trump’s forms of persuasion. Often these are people who cherish their solitude, their moments for reflection, and for reading books that nourish their intellect and their imagination — again making them not ideal targets for Trump.
In any case, I am struck by how the Trump apparatus did not let up one bit after they won the election. If anything, I see more of this effort than ever before. Obviously, the approach worked — and keeping this army loyal is of the highest priority.
The other day I got an email from “TrumpVance 2024” that said:
President Trump and Elon Musk just mentioned your name…
They were chatting about you in Mar-a-lago.
Do you want to know what they said about you?
Given that this nonsense is clearly effective — and likely will continue to be — what can we do about it? Imitation is clearly not the answer. Is there anything other than letting Trump’s monstrous delusions and treachery run their course, however long that may take, and waiting for mass disappointment to set in? I’ve made it my mission to try to figure this out and to make it a big part of our WhoWhatWhy inquiries in the new year.
I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts.
I also want to wish you and the world an unexpectedly better-than-we-thought-possible 2025.
