If Trump Were a Regular Person, the Cops Would Show Up at His Door Today
What would it look like if Donald Trump were just a crazy old guy threatening his neighbors? We imagined what a local news story would sound like in that case.
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With a thinly veiled threat, Donald Trump on Monday told European leaders for the umpteenth time that they need to hand over Greenland to him and that, because Norway refused to give him the Nobel Peace Prize (which it has no role in awarding), he “no longer feel[s] an obligation to think purely of peace.”
Now, let’s forget for a moment that Trump is the commander-in-chief of the most powerful country on this planet and that he is protected by presidential immunity that a right-wing Supreme Court strengthened specifically because of him.
Instead, let’s imagine what a local news story would sound like if he were a “normal” person.
Police Arrest Elderly Palm Beach Man for Threatening Neighbors
When two officers of the Palm Beach Police Department arrived at the residence of Donald Trump, 79, for a mental health wellness check on Monday, they found the retiree screaming at his neighbors and demanding that they give him a tool shed located on their property.
When he wouldn’t calm down and said he would get that shed “the easy way or the hard way,” the officers took him into custody.
According to the police report, Trump, who has a felony conviction and multiple criminal indictments on his record, said that, because the Palm Beach chapter of the American Legion did not give him its “Citizen of the Year” award, he “no longer feels an obligation to think purely of peace.”
When contacted, the American Legion said that there is no record of Trump being a member of the organization because he never served in the military.
Members of the retiree’s family say they have grown concerned over his social media posts.
“I’m worried about grandpa,” Kai Trump, 18, said. “He is always on Truth Social, making threats against neighbors, local reporters, China, and immigrants. And he talks about this tool shed all the time and says that he ‘has to have it.’ I hope he gets some help.”
Trump, who has previously boasted about sexually assaulting women and was found liable for sexual abuse of a writer, told the officers that his neighbors had no record of owning the tool shed and insisted that, because he “had done so much for the neighborhood watch, it was time that the neighborhood watch did something for him.”
Sources close to him said Trump was under a lot of stress because a friend of his had committed suicide in prison while waiting to stand trial for the sex trafficking of minors.
“I guess they used to be really close,” said one neighbor who wanted to remain anonymous because “Trump is the most vindictive sumbitch I ever met.”
That neighbor added that “those two were always going on and on about some secret they shared. I guess Jeffrey killing himself really messed with Don.”
Police officers were last called to the Trump residence on January 3, when the retiree was caught syphoning gasoline from the car of his neighbor, a Venezuelan immigrant, while claiming that it “had been stolen.”
