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Few episodes encapsulate the absurdity of the Trump administration as perfectly as a former Fox News morning show host prancing around in front of the nation’s top military officers, i.e., the men and women who have had soldiers under their command die for their country, and lecturing them about the “warrior ethos” that he wants to instill in his “Department of War.”

In a 45-minute address that was long on theatrics and short on sanity, Pete Hegseth, aka the most improbable secretary of defense in US history, strutted from one end of the stage to another and delivered lines you’d normally hear in a B-movie.

Like when he talked about US military dominance.

“Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision, and ferocity of the War Department,” he said. “In other words, to our enemies, FAFO.”

Or when he said that the event marked the “the liberation of America’s warriors, in name, in deed, and in authorities.”

Or when he explained that physical fitness requirements would be gender-neutral going forward.

“If that means no women qualify for some combat jobs, so be it. That is not the intent, but it could be the result,” Hegseth said. “It will also mean that weak men won’t qualify because we’re not playing games. This is combat. This is life or death.”

That was not the only change Hegseth announced.

In fact, when he didn’t sound like an actor in a cheesy war movie, the secretary of defense laid out his vision for how America’s “warfighters” should conduct themselves.

Specifically, that means daily exercise, no fatties in the armed forces, and no woke stuff.

“No more identity months, DEI offices, dudes in dresses. No more climate change worship. No more division, distraction, or gender delusions. No more debris,” Hegseth said. “As I’ve said before and will say again, we are done with that shit.”

In other words, he wants his warfighters to look the part.

“No more beards, long hair, superficial individual expression. We’re going to cut our hair, shave our beards, and adhere to standards,” said Hegseth, who was wearing an American flag-themed pocket square in violation of the flag code. “Because it’s like the broken windows theory in policing. It’s like you let the small stuff go, the big stuff eventually goes, so you have to address the small stuff.”

Speaking of letting stuff go, Hegseth left no doubt that he wants to run a tight ship, but not that tight… especially not when it comes to the right kind of infractions, i.e., those committed while whipping those woke weaklings into shape.

Therefore, he announced changes to how the Pentagon would retain blemishes on personnel records.

“People make honest mistakes, and our mistakes should not define an entire career,” said Hegseth, who, according to whistleblowers, is a prolific drinker and once paid a settlement to a woman who had accused him of sexually assaulting her.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a movie set with a square-jawed actor playing the part of secretary of defense; it is the real world in which a morning show host is playing secretary of defense.

And there was also a much darker side to the event.

When Hegseth was finished, he turned things over to Donald Trump, who is in the midst of turning the United States into an autocracy.

In a much less cinema-esque and much more rambling speech, the president left no doubt that he wants the military to play a role in this authoritarian takeover.

For example, after ranting about cities run by Democrats, Trump said that he told Hegseth that his administration should use some of them “as training grounds for our military.”

Disconcertingly, the president also spent part of his 70-minute speech, which was mostly just a meandering stream of consciousness, to talk about his plans to establish a quick reaction force to “quell domestic disturbances.”

“This is going to be a big thing for the people in this room because it’s the enemy from within, and we have to handle it before it gets out of control,” Trump said.

To their credit, the assembled generals and admirals endured the entire show in silence, which irked the president, who said they were allowed to applaud.

We can only hope that, as they were listening to the speeches for two hours, these officers were thinking about their oath of office, and that they swore to protect a country and its Constitution, not to do the bidding of a lawless president and a grandiose secretary of defense.