Now that it is clear that Donald Trump will accept gifts/bribes from foreign leaders, governments from across the globe rushed to offer their services as well.
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This is satire… until it all actually happens.
After news broke on Sunday that Qatar offered to gift the United States Donald Trump a $400-million luxury jumbo jet, other countries immediately announced that they also wanted to express their gratitude to the US president.
For example, Vladimir Putin announced that his government would provide the White House with a brand-new Russian-made IT system.
“The Подзорная труба system will ensure that only the people for whom it was intended will have access to classified information, such as Ukraine’s defensive capabilities,” the Russian president said. “It should be used freely by anybody, without a concern for security.”
Not to be outdone, China said it had developed an app for senior officials that it was gifting to the United States.
“We were very distraught that the lying American media made such a big deal out of the revelation that a journalist was added to a chat group in which military strikes were discussed,” said Chinese President Xi Jinping. “However, this also shows that the Signal app is not the best way to communicate.”
Therefore, the Chinese president said Beijing’s cybersecurity team had developed an app specifically for members of the Trump administration.
“与我们分享一切 is an app that will take US-Chinese relationships to an entirely new level, and we are happy to make it available to President Trump at no charge,” Xi said.
Other countries also offered various gifts.
The Iranian government said it would be willing to remake the interior of the Oval Office and replace the faux gold decorations that Trump has installed with real gold.
“It is no secret that the American president loves gold, and he deserves only the best,” Supreme Leader Ali Hosseini Khamenei said in a statement. “Therefore, the interior designers of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps will remake the Oval Office into a space fit for a king at no cost to the American taxpayers.”
In the meantime, Israel said it would make a butler from the Mossad’s concierge service available to Trump 24/7.
“They will never be out of earshot,” Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said. “So my good friend Donald just has to say the word and someone will be there to listen… like Siri, just Israeli.”
When asked whether they would provide any goods or services to Trump, the Taliban stated that they got everything they wanted from him.
“Nope, we’re good,” said the group’s leader Hibatullah Akhundzada.
In his Navigating the Insanity columns, Klaus Marre provides the kind of hard-hitting, thought-provoking, and often humorous analysis you won’t find anywhere else.
