Even by his standards, Donald Trump’s behavior this week has been truly bizarre. Here are a few things he could do to appear even more insane.
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With talk of Donald Trump’s physical and mental decline (finally) getting louder, the former president has his work cut out to convince independent and moderate Republican voters that he is fit for office.
And, as has so often been the case, this stable genius is trying to accomplish this feat by employing some unorthodox methods.
Earlier this week, Trump turned a town hall meeting into his own personal jam session when he abandoned the traditional Q&A format and instead treated his supporters to 30+ minutes of his favorite tunes. While the audience was trying to figure out what was happening, the former president simply swayed to the music and just stayed in the moment like a totally normal person would do.
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Then on Saturday, Trump topped that by apparently deciding that it would definitely benefit his image as a non-weird and mentally stable candidate if he told a story about golfing legend Arnold Palmer’s penis.
“But this guy, this guy, this is a guy that was all man. This man was strong and tough,” the former president told his audience in Pennsylvania. “And I refuse to say it, but when he took showers with the other pros, they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God, that’s unbelievable.’ I had to say it.”
Well, obviously he had to say it. If you have an inside scoop on the size of another guy’s manhood, you have to tell people about it. That’s just something completely normal folks to do.
So, what more can the former president do in the final two weeks before the election to prove to Americans that he isn’t nuts?
While it’s impossible to imagine what’s going on in Trump’s head at any point in time, here are some suggestions in line with his recent behavior.
- Tank top town hall: The former president is proud of his physique, which (as he has assured us) rivals that of professional athletes. So why not show off those guns during an all-male town hall. And, while he is at it, why wear pants?
- Blackface in Motown: Trump has been slathering on his makeup extra-thick in recent days, so he should consider going full blackface at a rally in Detroit to make further inroads with Black male voters.
- Live neuropsychological exam: If the former president wants to lay to rest any concerns about his mental state, he should just take a live neuropsychological exam so Americans can judge for themselves. This shouldn’t be a problem for him since he totally aced that other test in which he had to recognize animals.
- Hang Mike Pence: That traitor didn’t have the courage to participate in Trump’s coup, so now would be the time to give the MAGA base what it wants and string up the former vice president at a campaign rally.
There are many other ways in which Trump can prove that he is totally normal, and that his physical and mental health are not declining, so this is a very incomplete list. For your suggestions, tweet them to this account.
In his Navigating the Insanity columns, Klaus Marre provides the kind of hard-hitting, thought-provoking, and often humorous analysis you won’t find anywhere else.
