The performance of Donald Trump's economic team on Sunday (and all week) left little doubt that nobody in the White House has any idea what's going on and that there is no plan.
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WhoWhatWhy has obtained a top-secret government memo that was attached to an email Pete Hegseth sent to our account with the words: “Hey Mom, thank you for the cookies! Attached is our attack plan for Greenland. Love, Your lil’ Boozehound!”
However, the attachment did not contain any war plans but rather a document entitled “The Definitive Guide to the Trump Tariffs for Administration Officials Appearing on Sunday Talk Shows.”
While we could not definitively verify its authenticity, Hegseth has emailed us secret documents several times from this account that were meant for his mother.
Therefore, and based on the performance today of senior administration officials who tried to explain the Trump tariffs to the American people while offering contradictory and often nonsensical statements, we are going to assume that it’s the real thing.
Here is that memo in its entirety.
To: White House Economics Team
From: The Office of the President
Subject: The Definitive Guide to the Trump Tariffs for Administration Officials Appearing on Sunday Talk Shows
When you are appearing on a Sunday talk show this week, it is crucial that you effectively communicate President Trump’s tariff policy to the American people.
The lying media, the enemy of the people, is trying to make it sound as though the president’s brilliant strategy is making it difficult for businesses to plan ahead just because he has changed his mind 46 times already as to which countries should be subject to tariffs, how high these should be, and which products or industries should be exempt or hit especially hard.
In addition, they also pretend that the American people are losing confidence in the president and his policies, just because every poll shows that to be the case.
We have to counter this fake news by showing voters that we are on top of things and know what we are doing.
Therefore, please convey the following points on the Sunday talk shows: Tariffs are on countries. For some, 10 percent, but for China also 25 percent and 74 percent, 104 percent, and 145 percent. But there is an exemption for chips and smartphones. But it’s not an exemption. Though it is.
The exemption is permanent or temporary. Or both.
Art of the Deal.
Many Americans will be able to work in sweatshops. iPhones have tiny screws. They are exempt. For now. Or not.
It’s all going great.
Go get ‘em!
Trust Trump.
Trust in Trump.
Art. Of. The. Deal.
Ok, fine, this isn’t a real memo; it’s a parody. However, you wouldn’t know that if you have been following Trump the past ten days or watched any of the Sunday shows.
In his Navigating the Insanity columns, Klaus Marre provides the kind of hard-hitting, thought-provoking, and often humorous analysis you won’t find anywhere else
