Listen To This Story

With the United States (together with Canada and Mexico) set to host the soccer World Cup next year, the sport’s governing body FIFA seems to have come up with an ingenious way of staying in the good graces of Donald Trump, the one man who can screw up the world’s marquee sporting event.

Since it didn’t have a jumbo jet to give away, FIFA on Wednesday announced the creation of its own peace prize, which will be awarded in Washington, DC, on December 5… and we would not be surprised if a certain US president who really likes to win stuff would be among the first recipients.

“The award will be presented to individuals who, through their unwavering commitment and their special actions, have helped to unite people all over the world in peace and consequently deserve a special and unique recognition,” FIFA said in a statement.

Sure, it’s not the Nobel Peace Prize, but we are pretty sure that Trump will find a way to make this award sound more prestigious… if he is lucky enough to be chosen.

FIFA’s President Gianni Infantino certainly made it sound like a big deal.

“In an increasingly unsettled and divided world, it’s fundamental to recognize the outstanding contribution of those who work hard to end conflicts and bring people together in a spirit of peace,” said Infantino, who has been palling around with Trump in recent month and was even present at the Gaza peace summit in Egypt last month for some reason. “Football stands for peace, and on behalf of the entire global football community, the FIFA Peace Prize – Football Unites the World will recognize the enormous efforts of those individuals who unite people, bringing hope for future generations.”

Sounds nice, and it is true that football, as the rest of the world calls soccer, has brought people together.

But it is also true that FIFA has stood for corruption and grifting, especially when it comes to which countries are awarded the opportunity to host the World Cup. A decade ago, the organization was ensnared in a major scandal, and many experts believe that things haven’t gotten much better since then under Infantino.

Then again, it’s tough to blame him in this case for pandering to the US president.

Trump and his ICE thugs could throw a real wrench into the plans of tens of thousands of fans who will travel to the United States to watch their national teams compete, and thereby turn a celebration into a disaster.

That’s why mollifying the president by giving him a made-up peace prize is just common sense.

While Infantino is at it, why not award a new Religious Freedom Prize to Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia, which is set to host the 2034 World Cup following a selection process that was totally on the up-and-up?

In any case, this just seems like a win-win situation for all involved, and the ceremony is probably going to be pretty hilarious, so we are all for it.

In completely unrelated news, we would like to announce that we are going to award the WhoWhatWhy “Medal for Sports Organizations That Suck Up Best to Donald Trump” on December 5. Maybe we can combine the two events somehow.