22 Witty Quotes About Elections

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1. The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII

2. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. —Adlai Stevenson

3. Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. —Author Unknown


“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration.” Photo Credit: Brooklyn Museum / Gilbert Stuart Painting / Wikimedia / Manipulated by WhoWhatWhy

4. George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles. —Author Unknown

5. If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it. —Mark Twain

6. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. —Joseph Stalin


“The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” —Stalin Photo Credit: Cartoon by Thomas Nast from Harper’s Weekly / Wikimedia

7. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. —George Carlin

8.The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them. —Karl Marx

9. There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough US congressmen. —Author Unknown

10. We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. —Woody Allen

11. If you put your politicians up for sale, as the US does … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them. —Juan Cole

12. Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide. —Joseph P. Kennedy


“If you put your politicians up for sale … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” —Juan Cole Photo Credit: Andrew Magrill / Flickr, Manipulated by WhoWhatWhy

13. By the time a man gets to be presidential material, he’s been bought ten times over. —Gore Vidal

14. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. —J. O’Rourke

15. In a society governed passively by free markets and free elections, organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy. —Matt Taibbi

16. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. —George Carlin

17. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. —Winston Churchill

18. Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge. —Isaac Asimov

19. Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. —Gore Vidal


“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election,” remarked Bill Vaughan. (Though this image shows two servicemen voting by absentee ballot from Vietnam in 1968.) Photo Credit: USMC Archives / Flickr, Manipulated by WhoWhatWhy

20. A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election. —Bill Vaughan

21. If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side. —Orson Scott Card

22. A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation. —James Freeman Clarke

Photo Credit: White House Historical Association / Thomas Jefferson Portrait by Rembrandt Peale / Wikimedia, Manipulated by WhoWhatWhy

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24 responses to “22 Witty Quotes About Elections”

  1. pbr90 says:

    Much to be said for volunteer government with term limits; would we be worse off?

  2. stubbikins says:

    #5 is not by mark twain.

  3. Michelle Crosby says:

    Wow, this Randy actually doubts his own intellect, and I can understand why!

  4. Queegquig says:

    “….parties should be almost identical, so that the American people can ‘throw the rascals out’ at any election, without leading to any profound or extensive shifts in policy.”
    Bill Clinton’s mentor, Carroll Quigley writing on page 1247 in his book “Tragedy and Hope”

    • Flickerate says:

      Well, Carroll Quigley is an evil globalist who likes to drink babies’ blood. So, yeah, that fits that he’s Clinton’s “mentor.”

  5. Paul Anders says:

    Politicians and diapers need to be changed often… For the same reason.
    — Unknown.

  6. Randy says:

    Politics is what destroys every great civilization, even more so than any given religion. So if we just get rid of all politics and go strictly with a merit based system for filling any government job, like private industry does, we would not have so many of these societal problems.


    • zelduh says:

      You have far too much faith in private industry. Have you ever held a job outside of government?

    • Randy says:

      You idiot! I’ve NEVER had a government job of ANY kind! By what criteria do you make your asinine remark that I have “far too much faith in private industry”? Have YOU ever had a job where you had to take a battery of tests as I have to prove that a certain kind of job could actually be done and done well? I went through a series of no less than seven tests before I got hired on at SoCalEdison as a mechanic back in 1984. You must be some kind of communist/fascist/socialist who thinks that only the all powerful State is ever correct in making any kind of determinations.
      You are just fantasizing that you have even a single clue as to who I am and how I think!
      If you’re too stupid to realize that voting never changes anything that the ones who are already in political offices do not want changed, you belong pulling a plow in some field somewhere because you’re obviously not suited to life outside of a harness and your blinders!


    • lawguy says:

      That’s at a lower level. The people who runs things now in private industry (such as it is in this country) seem to have little to no knowledge of much of anything except how to make money for themselves. Where were you when the Great Recession hit? Or check out Sears and K-Mart. Or ask HP about Fiona.

    • Randy says:

      It’s sometimes hard for me to believe that businesses anywhere in the world run even as well as they do, because they so often rely upon virtually no real management knowledge or skills. Managers gaze at graphs and charts, and haven’t a clue as to what they really indicate, if anything. Their graphs are almost always made up from totally useless data because they don’t understand the concepts of sub-products, products and the creation of viable final products. They don’t even know what money really is, so how can they assist in the guiding of actions which will bring some in? It’s mostly just throwing darts at a board! And now the mumbo jumbo of Keynesian “economics” is finally being shown to be the joke that it always was.
      Which “recession” are you talking about? How do you define what constitutes any of these made-up terms? Is there a uniform set of anything that defines what one is, and do so accurately?


    • lawguy says:

      You might have read about it. Or hop in the Wayback machine with Mr. Peabody. It happened, oh right at the end of the last republican president’s term.

    • Randy says:

      Oh, PLEASE!! These phony economic indicators and conditions are just made up by idiots, retards and morons who don’t have even a clue as to what’s going on or why! The ONLY thing that they are truly masters at, is the ability to continually dupe the ones who are even stupider than they are that they know what they are talking about! Raise interest rates, lower interest rates, print fiat paper currency and create electronic bookkeeping entries out of thin air and call it “quantitative easing” is just one fraud or scam after another. If you’re so smart, then tell me where the bookkeeping entries come from to pay any interest on these so-called loans!! Well, where does it come from, Mr. Financial Wizard?!?!
      By your citing some change of political party as an alleged marker of changing economic conditions, you just show just how ignorant you really are! If Dumbocraps are so much better and smarter than the Republicraps, then why is the total meltdown of the world wide fiat paper currency system happening right now in front of your very eyes with an avowed Marxist at the helm of the U.S.? Shouldn’t he be doing something about it since it’s happening on his watch? Is it because he inherited it from someone else, and so therefore can’t be expected to fix it?
      Didn’t you hear about the Dow closing 530 points down yesterday? Maybe you need to jump into the Wayback machine yourself, Sherman!

      I’m not really expecting any kind of a cogent answer from you, I’m just trying to educate others who read this posting.


    • lawguy says:

      Well, lets see. On my drive to work every day I watch them start to built a several hundred unit apartment complex and then pull it back down. I saw my brother lose his job. I saw many clients lose their jobs. So I suppose that could all have been some long term hallucination on my part, I guess.

    • Randy says:

      Now I see why you have the handle Lawguy, you can’t THINK on your own!! Lieyers are the biggest scam since politics and religion were created.
      What is the difference between a “recession” and a “depression”? How do you know which is which? How do you know when either one of them is just beginning or over and done with?
      The long term hallucination for you is the one where you actually think that you know what you’re talking about! You will NEVER be able to answer my question about where the bookkeeping entries come from to pay interest on a loan, because you’re too dumb to see that it’s totally impossible to do so! That is why the debt load must be continuously expanded, and if you had even just two cents worth of intelligence to your name, you’d be able to see that on your own, and you wouldn’t need someone like me trying to explain it to you.
      What does putting up a building and then tearing it back down again have to do with phony economic indicators?? Do you have any clue at all as to why they had to tear it down? Did someone goof up in the planning and forget to put bathrooms in the apartments?

      If your brother is too dumb to be able to hold a decent job, that’s HIS problem, not mine!

    • lawguy says:

      Bye, bye psycho.

    • Randy says:

      You’re the one who is totally disconnected from reality (psychotic), not me! I’m just here telling the truth instead of lies!
      If you were not psychotic, you could give me some correct answers to my questions!

    • Norbert says:

      Randy, the problem with your assertion is the mistaken belief that politics doesn’t exist in private industry.

    • Randy says:

      WHERE did I ever say or even hint that politics doesn’t exist in private industry? That is something that YOU came up with, it’s a figment of YOUR imagination!! How did you ever come to such an erroneous idea? Are you mentally impaired or something? If you open up your mind a little bit and actually read what I wrote, and not what you want to believe I wrote, you will see that I said that we need to get rid of all politics, and that means of course ALL politics, not just public sector politics.
      I saw PLENTY of politics going on in private industry over the years with certain people getting preferential treatment over others and it was based upon office politics. Someone who was in disfavor could do no right, while someone who was a darling could do no wrong! Putz!


    • Norbert says:

      If I misunderstood what you wrote (“if we just get rid of all politics and go strictly with a merit based system for filling any government job, like private industry does”), the fault is yours, not mine.

    • Randy says:

      OK, my bad there! I can see now where the confusion crept in, I should have worded my statement slightly differently to eliminate all wiggle room in interpreting what I said. Thanks for pointing that out to me!
      True, there is some politics involved in the private sector, but certainly not to the degree that it is in the public. In the public sector, politics is the main component behind everything and counts for much, where as in the private sector, it is the opposite.


  7. clyyde says:

    Strawman is right—his example is a rare one, but Goldman was more concise and more pointed. Therefore truer.

  8. MrLiberty says:

    Given that voting changes nothing, it hardly seems proper to criticize those who have withdrawn their support of the rigged and criminal process.

    Per #20, why do some volunteer to go thousands of miles to kill people in foreign countries that have never attacked us, never threatened us, cannot “destroy our way of life” or “take away our freedoms” while the elected and non-elected employees of the federal, state, and local governments do both of these daily without any fear from these same folks?

  9. Strawman says:

    “5. If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it. —Mark Twain”

    Vastly quotable though Mr. Twain indisputably was, I’d say that in this case, Emma Goldman improved on his sentiment:

    “If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”