Witty Quotations on Elections, Politicians, Voters — and You
Painfully Sharp Observations by Some of Our Most Perceptive Writers
Funny and frightfully true observations on elections, politicians, and voters, by such characters as George Carlin, Jon Stewart, Woody Allen, P.J. O’Rourke, and even Joseph Stalin. (A slightly shorter version was published by WhoWhatWhy last August.)
1. The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate, VII
2. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. —Adlai Stevenson
3. Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. —Author Unknown
“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration.” Photo credit: Adapted by WhoWhatWhy from Brooklyn Museum / Gilbert Stuart Painting / Wikimedia
4. George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles. —Author Unknown
5. If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it. —Attributed to Mark Twain
6. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. —Joseph Stalin
“The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” —Stalin Photo credit: Cartoon by Thomas Nast from Harper’s Weekly / Wikimedia
7. Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. —George Carlin
8.The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them. —Karl Marx
9. There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough US congressmen. —Author Unknown
10. We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. —Woody Allen
11. If you put your politicians up for sale, as the US does … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them. —Juan Cole
12. Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide. —Joseph P. Kennedy
“If you put your politicians up for sale … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” —Juan Cole
Photo credit: Adapted by WhoWhatWhy from Andrew Magrill / Flickr
13. By the time a man gets to be presidential material, he’s been bought ten times over. —Gore Vidal
14. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. —P.J. O’Rourke
15. In a society governed passively by free markets and free elections, organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy. —Matt Taibbi
16. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. —George Carlin
17. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. —Winston Churchill
18. Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge. —Isaac Asimov
19. Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. —Gore Vidal
“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election,” remarked Bill Vaughan. (Though this image shows two servicemen voting by absentee ballot from Vietnam in 1968.)
Photo credit: Adapted by WhoWhatWhy from USMC Archives / Flickr
20. A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election. —Bill Vaughan
21. If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side. —Orson Scott Card
22. President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.—Jon Stewart
23. A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation. —James Freeman Clarke Elections belong to the people. It’s their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters. —Abraham Lincoln
25. A vote is like a rifle: its usefulness depends upon the character of the user. —Theodore Roosevelt
26. Every election is determined by the people who show up.” —Larry J. Sabato
Related front page panorama photo credit: Adapted by WhoWhatWhy from Unknown / Wikimedia
